I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
