Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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