if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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