I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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