I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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