Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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