break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
