Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
