sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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