Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
