my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
