I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
