A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
