I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize