This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
