dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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