when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize