She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
