If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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