When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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