How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
