All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
