You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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