I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
