I wish my penis had an off switch
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
