Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
