barbara walters just said penis...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
