she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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