You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
