This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
