Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
