I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize