I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
