a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
