I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize