I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
