the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
