i just had sex bonerless
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
