I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Randomize
