having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
