I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
