May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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