It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize