You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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