yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
