I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
