I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
