You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
