Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize