I looked at my own cervix.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize