after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize