happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
