HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
