I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize