I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize