I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
