i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize