Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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