please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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