he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
