Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
