you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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