Can i not drive my cunt home
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
