I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
