So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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