I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
