we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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