I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
