We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
