sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
